GLASS CLEANERS

Have you ever been sitting around the house, maybe watching tv or reading a book, when you get a whiff of something unpleasant? It’s so bad and unfamiliar that you actually get up from your seat and start sniffing around like a hound dog, walking around to every corner, trying to sniff out where that terrible smell is coming.

That was Big Larry yesterday. I was just sitting around, minding my own business, when I got a big whiff or something bad. It was a bit familiar smelling, almost like bong water, but I hadn’t used a bong in this particular room in months …oh crap, did I not empty that bong and put it away?

Nope, sure didn’t. I looked underneath a coffee table that I rarely use (clearly) and there was Jon Bong Jovi, just sitting there, full of cloudy water, and smelling worse than a monkey’s behind (authors note: I don’t know what a monkey’s behind smells like or anything, but I once saw a monkey on YouTube who passed out after smelling his own finger)

I took Bong Jovi over to the sink and proceeding to dump that mucky water down the drain …it smelt brutal. I’ve used a ton of cleaners in my day; some of my favourites include Grunge Off, Orange Chronic, Resolution Gel and Randy’s. Whatever the Peace Pipe staff recommends, I typically get. I had a bottle of Randy’s Black Label on hand though so I was all set on this particular day. 

If you don’t know Randy’s, here’s a blurb from their site that explains it better than I can; I just know it always works for me; “Black Label is a lightning-fast resin and goo cleaning solution for any metal, glass, or ceramic smoking utensil. Just apply Black Label to any piece, shake, and let it soak for a few minutes before rinsing out in warm water”.

Randy’s doesn’t tell you what’s in the cleaning solution, all it says on the bottle is that it’s the official cleaner of Iladelph glass along with instructions on what to do if you accidentally ingest any of it. The bottle is see-through though, giving you a clear view of a blue liquid, almost looks like a windex, with about an inch of salt gathered at the bottom …that’s where the “shake well before use” comes from.

After I gave it a quick shake, the liquid was nicely mixed with the salt and I put a few squirts right inside my bong, in the same place you would normally put your water when you’re having a sesh. With the cleaner inside, I was ready to shake …well, almost ready.

There’s a big hole where your mouth goes, as well as a smaller one for the downstem, that both need to clogged before we shake, otherwise gunk is going to be everywhere and you’ll like have to move out of your place right after, because of the mess (kidding, but it is pretty brutal when it gets everywhere). You can plug the holes with your hands and fingers but I don’t recommend that one bit as I find it’s also a complete mess.

Enter the Resolution Silocone Res Caps. These babies just go on snuggly, right over the holes, creating a sealed capped that keeps everything inside; similar to the cap on a soda bottle. Once the holes are covered you just shake away for a little bit and then let it sit for a few minutes.

I’m an aggressive shaker but you certainly don’t need to be. A gentle shake will suffice …Big Larry doesn’t know the word gentle though, he only knows how to party, and no party ever started with a soft shake. 

After letting the liquid sit in the bong for a few minutes, I give it another quick shake before dumping the cleaner and rinsing out the remaining residue with a little warm water. I usually just put the bong in the sink and let the water run through it for minute or two …that’s it, you’re good to go. 

I also like to clean my bowl and downstem, keep everything is fresh, so I repeat similar steps for them. The only difference being that I pour some cleaner in a ziplock baggie and just drop my pieces directly in. From there I just seal the bag and then give it a shake and a rinse. Just be sure that you don’t put multiple pieces in the same ziplock at once as they will break when you give that bag a shake; just one item at a time in there. This also works for pipes!

There are other great items too, to help with your cleaning, such as brushes and pipe cleaners; there’s even a cool little item called the Buddy Glass Scrubber; I always just explain to the Peace Pipe staff what I’m looking to clean and how dirty it is and they’ll just hook me up with the stuff they know works. Pretty simple.

There’s nothing like a clean bong though and these cleaners will have your pieces looking brand new again in no time. Whatever you’re smoking out of it after that good cleaning is going to taste better and fresher too; you’ll really be able to taste those terps!! …in fact, I need to go taste some now. Big Larry, out.